I've had to accept the fact that there are things I won't understand. It is really hard for me to do that because I want to understand why things happen and then know how to respond. However, sometimes in this very rough and tough world, we just have to respond without knowing. We just have to bite down on the present reality of unexplained happenings.
Let's explain what I mean by unexplained though. Unexplained doesn't mean that there isn't a cause of the event or happening, unexplained doesn't mean that there isn't some sort of internal logic to the event. It's that on the surface of the event, it's larger cosmic occurrence, there isn't a clear reason for why the event has happened in the first place.
Events sometimes land on us; in my rather short life, I have experienced some landings that were really hard for me to accept. The loss of one of my distant cousin to cancer, the deaths of several friends, the loss of my grandparents, the near loss of my dad: all events that had proximate causes and reasons, but in the grand scheme of things didn't make much sense.
There may have been a cause for all of these losses, but there is not a grand masterplan or reason for them. I saw no reason for the loss or near loss of these people who really had no reason to go to the grave except for fate and circumstance to draw them in (or near). I feel frustrated by the fact that there is no reason for the suffering of this work, but I also take solace.
I would rather not have the universe have a reason for wiping people out. I would rather there not be some omnipotent God behind the works of heart disease, cancer, stroke, thrombosis, angina, heart attack, respiratory failure etc, etc, etc. I would rather there sort of be an uncaused cause, nothing to blame, nothing to decide for us, nothing to pray to and nothing to resent.
Having no emotional investment in the outcomes of the universe sort of allows one to became less angry and more helpful. The idea that resounds within me is that: "If the universe doesn't care, I should be the one to care". I should put my best forward and hope the best. I really can only do my part.
The universe is apathetic and agnostic about my intentions, I can pray all I want, but the Universe will only see vibrations and entropy. It will not really hear the words or decode the meanings of the message. There is no-one in the room without ears that can hear. Only people are listening, only people will speak.
God is really just a hat that people pick up and wear when it works for them. A sort of ego projection or deflection, a convenient mirror to people inner psychological or sociological status. In fact, I consider listening to people pray a form of psychological espionage on the part of the listener, a means of diatribe dissection or undertone sensing.
The universe is really here on its own terms. We are I am going to leave praying to the people who feel (or want to feel) powerful. I will sit in humble openness to the future, carry on in the realization that I am finite.
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